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Why?’ My voice clearly held the ‘it’s none of your business’ tone, which he promptly ignored. He shifted, not looking at me, and said, ‘Sometimes…you cry.’ ‘I do not!’ I denied and in the next breath confirmed what he had said. ‘How do you know? You spy on me?’ He looked at me in the eyes and I felt the numb ache that had begun with his statement spread through my chest, reaching tentative fingers out to tickle my limbs. I recalled the nights that I had cried, sometimes silently and with a deep loneliness that I felt could only be relieved by letting the tears fall with an overflowing stillness. Other times I had almost sobbed, still quietly but with the wracking pain that causes you to hug your knees to your chest and rock. I had felt safe in the dark quiet sanctuary of my porch, secure in the knowledge that the two hands had gone to bed, and that my old dog Tanner would never rat me out. Now, I felt vulnerable, suddenly exposed to the light of day and the eyes of another. ‘I’ve. ”“So she gets off on pain?” they exchanged looks.“Yup. She also likes the thrill of getting me to punish her. She knows I don’t want to and she says that it’s a big pay-off for her to get me to cross that line and do it for her.”“Wow!” they said in unison and I chuckled.“We started off small. She liked to have her hair pulled and wanted me to call her names, so I think that she just gets a thrill from being treated like that. She’s never been a girly girl, so being treated like she might break is probably a turnoff for her. She probably got her hands on some dirty porn at some point and liked what she saw.” I turned and looked at Jessie. “Remind me to punish her for that. She was my best friend. She should have shared.”That made Jessie laugh. “You think you’re gonna need someone to remind you to spank Beck?” she asked me pointedly. “Tell HER to do it. She’ll be only too happy to ask.”“Tell me about it,” I snorted dryly.“So what’s it like?” Suzie asked. “You take her over your knee or.
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